Confessions of a Child Actor: The Do’s And Don’ts Of Putting Your Child In The Business – Part One

Perhaps we can blame it on American Idol. Maybe it’s Britney. Who really knows? But I can’t help but notice the vast number of kids who suddenly have an interest in becoming actors, or singers, or….well… being famous. Because of my upbringing, and my career as a writer and producer, many concerned parents have approached me for advice about introducing their child to ‘show business’. The only way that I feel that I can accurately do this is by sharing the sometimes bizarre and somewhat humorous details of my life as a child performer. So throughout this article I will stop, occasionally, to provide you with a list of the do’s and don’ts s, based on my personal experiences, growing up in the entertainment industry. That said, here goes nothing…

Mostly, I remember sitting in the back of an old Lincoln Continental that my family affectionately referred to as, “Irving”. At the time, there was a song that my accompanist used to play in our lounge act entitled, “Irving, The Hundred-And-Forty-Second Fastest Gun In the West”. If, even for a moment, you saw this car, you’d understand the similarity. Once (unbelievably), it was stolen from our parking lot for a “joyride”. I will never forget walking in on the phone call between my father and the police. They asked if he wanted to press charges and he replied, simply, “No! I just want them to tell me how they got it started!”

So, back on track, I was driven around in this car, at the beginning of my career. I was nine. It may sound a bit strange to most, but for my family it wasn’t unusual at all. My first real performance was actually two years prior. I was seven years old and I had gone to dinner with my parents and several siblings. We always patronized establishments that had pianists available. I guess that's where the term 'dinner and a show' began. The food was always really good and usually the pianist played some pretty good jazz. I was youngest of seven and my parents had been hoping for all of their offspring to become the next Shirley Temple. You see, my father used to manage acts back in the 30’s and the first time my father laid eyes on my mother, she was performing in a country and western band, under the stage name, Nicky, The Smilin’ Cowgirl. She stood before the audience strumming the guitar and singing about various cowgirl troubles. My father took one look at her swirl of ash-blonde hair, green eyes, and fringed skirt, complete with cowboy boots, and fell madly in love. They were engaged before their 3rd date and, years later, when my father passed away, they had just celebrated their 63rd wedding anniversary. Side note: When my husband first laid eyes on me, I was singing backup in a rock band at the Bitter End, in NYC. I have always cherished that similarity. Anyway, my parents had a touch of the show biz bug.

So, at these family dinners, it wasn’t unusual for my dad to have a quick chat with the pianist and (using his gift of gab) convince him to invite one of the Grimes kids to sing. After the first six siblings expressed his or her dislike of public displays, the responsibility had finally fallen to me. Fortunately for all involved, I was more than willing and, eventually, because of the perseverance and charm of my father, my moniker could be seen on Holiday Inn billboards around the region. At the time, however, my name was Tammy. I had been named after Tammy Grimes, a very well known actress of the time, who met my parents while filming an episode of Route 66. Unbeknownst to mom and dad, I was already “on the way” and, when Ms. Grimes requested that the next child be named after her, they agreed, laughing all the way home since my mother was already forty-two and they were sure that the six children that waited for them back at the house would be the final number. Never underestimate the ability of the Irish to procreate. So, eight years later, I would be taking after my namesake and making my lounge debut singing Moon River (my father had a crush on Audrey Hepburn). So that was the defining moment, the start of my career as a child performer.

TIP #1: If any of you are even considering getting your child into the entertainment industry, DO NOT kick it off with a lounge act. It actually worked out for me, but on so many levels – it’s just wrong. I was lucky. Before I was even allowed o enter the establishment, my father would go in and check for drunks, while we waited within the safety of (you guessed it), Irving. That usually worked out just fine, although one night one of them apparently slipped past Dad’s radar and we sat horrified, watching from our table as the intoxicated gentlemen teetered up to my accompanist, grabbed his music and threw it in the fireplace. But I digress.

Start out with school plays, regional theater, etc. combined with acting, dancing, and/or singing lessons. That is the kind of experience they need, and you will get an idea of the sacrifices that would need to be made if they go any further, plus, ideally…no drunks.

Okay, on with the content. Fast forward to, well, fifth grade. By that time, I was getting top billing on the local lounge route, which was great, other than the fact that I was out until 3 o’clock in the morning and kept falling asleep in Social Studies. Now, before I continue, I need to say VERY CLEARLY that my parents were great. Sorry to disappoint, but they loved me. They told me that. They made sure I ate well and did their absolute best to make sure that I knew right from wrong. I am, and always will be very grateful for their love and support. That said, they had no faith in traditional education and made no attempt to hide that fact. The strange part is that one brother is a physicist, and the other is a photographer and refurbishes historical landmarks. I have 2 sisters who are teachers, one has a successful career in business, and another is a painter, and has opened her own business as the curator of a traveling art show, bringing original paintings to shut ins. We all own our own homes. People who watched us grow up would probably assume we were collecting loose change on the street right now, but there was one very important thing that my parents did right which brings me to my next tip.

TIP #2: Make sure, VERY sure, that your child not only has actual talent, but a true calling to be a performer. Just because you think little Billy can carry a tune, doesn’t mean he’s going to win Idol. And if he or she doesn’t have actual talent, it will only lead to dysfunction and disappointment, not to mention an astronomical therapy bill. And then you must confirm, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they really want to be in the business. Make sure they know what it means. It’s not all about being famous. The industry is brutal and will impact who your child becomes as a human being. My brother’s and sisters are extremely talented. Our family “get together’s” involve a minimum of 3 or 4 part harmony. But they had no real interest in being in the industry, and thus, each found his, or her, own path.

So, as I said, I had hit the peak of my local career, adding to my resume several dinner theater performances such as Annie Get Your Gun, Sound Of Music, and a few musical comedy reviews. Basically, if there was a kid in it, I was usually that kid. So, as far as my parents were concerned, I was ready. We began making trips into New York City. Through a friend, we found a manager, who listened to me sing and fine-tuned my “look”. Apparently, my sparkly recital costumes didn’t quite fly on the great white way. They wanted real kids. I said bye-bye to my ribbons and sequins and hello to a t-shirt and jeans. I was thrilled! I had a real New York City manager. This brings me to some very relevant tips.

Tip #3: Real agents and/or managers DO NOT charge you a penny until your child makes money. They take a standard 10-15%. If anyone asks you for money before that, they are taking advantage of you. I have nothing else to say on this. That is that. Reputable agents work with you, guide the career of your child, and have his or her best interest at heart.

Tip #4: When your child is ready to take the next step, get a list of accredited agents and/or managers and research them. Make sure you select someone who has a good reputation, not only for getting work, but also for respecting the personal needs of children. And follow his or her rules of submission. Also, buy the trades, look online for auditions and watch your child like a hawk. Everyone around you could influence the development of his or her personality. Be aware and keep your kid occupied with appropriate activity during the downtime.

Tip #5: At some point, you will need an 8x10 picture and a resume (just list all school/regional shows, plus hobbies and special skills). Research the photographers who know how to shoot for kids. Ask around. It’s very expensive so nobody will expect more than a snapshot of kids at first because they change so quickly. When you get one, the picture should look like your child. NOT a made up version of your child, no mascara, big hair, no eyeliner, or lip-gloss. It should look exactly like your child, the way he or she will look in person when they stand in front of the casting director.

Tip #6: This is not about you. Agents and managers will not bother with your child if they even slightly suspect that you are living vicariously through “little Lisa”, or if you are going to become a complete and utter pain. Be respectful of the professionals in whose hands you have chosen to place the career of your child. Choose people you feel that you can trust. Then be there to protect your son or daughter and guide them into adulthood, as you would normally do. And make sure you have your own life. The only time anybody hears about the parents of child performers is when their children are suing them. So, if nobody ever hears about you until your kid thanks you at the Oscars, you have done a good job.

So to continue with my saga, when my career began to take off, I had to join the union. That was the day I was told I had to change my name. My namesake owned the rights to the first one. I had always fantasized that my name was a bit more mysterious. I considered various ethnic names, for some reason leaning toward the Latin American feel. Standing there in my white-blonde braids, I had no clue why it gave everyone else such a chuckle. But suddenly, as if I was experiencing divine intervention, I said, “Taryn”. The laughter stopped. I had combined my first name (Tammy) and my second (Karen), and just for an exotic twist, I added the “y”. That was around 1974 or 75. Since then the name has spread like wildfire. I don’t know how or why. But in some twisted way, I feel like I may have actually started a trend and it secretly floats my boat.

Tip #7: If, for some reason, you need to provide your child with a stage name, allow him or her to play a significant part in the selection of said name. I truly believe that was the only reason that I didn’t end up like Sybil (I know it dates me but you remember Sybil, right? Good Lord, please Google it, if you don’t – it’s too depressing to have to tell you.) What I am trying to say is to make your child feel not only empowered, but also responsible for their choices, good or bad. They need to know the impact of those choices, and they need to understand that fame has its price, can be fleeting, and that family, and self-respect is everything.

Onward. So it was done. I was a different person. Unlike Hannah Montana, from that point on, we were supposed to use that name at all times, even in school. That was not only confusing for me, but made me stand out among my classmates…and not in a good way. As my career grew to include television and regional tours, the local newspaper featured a full-page article about my blossoming career and me. At first, it was exciting. My family was proud of my success and I was having fun. Fortunately, my best friend, Liz, was happy for me but in no way allowed it to hinder our rides to McDonald’s on our banana seat bicycles, ahhh, good times. Liz is and was the real deal, a good friend, and I am happy that she is still in my life. However, when I got to school, I found that the entire fifth grade had agreed not to speak to me. No joke. This unified cold shoulder gave me a clear, firsthand view of what even a small amount of recognition could do to an elementary school social life, not that it was ever very pleasant to begin with, which is fine. I have always felt that reaching your life’s peak before the age of thirty is a slippery slope. Yeah for me, I was in no danger of that happening. Anyway, although the issue eventually subsided, it taught me how to recognize a real friend. Thanks, Liz!

So my career was taking off. My mother spent most of her time sitting in green rooms. She read, crocheted, and kept a close eye on me. I could always feel her watching, and I knew that she was not only trying to protect me, she was making sure that my behavior was up to her standards, which were quite high. When I was about 12 years old, I did an industrial show at the Waldorf Astoria. When the other kids were being allowed to taste the champagne at brunch, a simple warning stare from my mom prevented me from even asking. I remember that she used to hang out with the small percentage of mom’s that were still making some kind of attempt to be a good parent and role model. They used to sit in a corner and chat while the kids played jacks and cards and pretended to do homework. This was way before the professional kids were really monitored academically. We would show up with stacks of assignments from our teachers and were expected to return a month or two later prepared to take tests. Trust me, it does not work. There was nobody in charge, nobody to explain Algebra 1, etc. and we were in such a different world altogether that nobody even remembered what it was like to be in class. It wasn’t until we returned to school that our lack of efforts would kick in. Good lesson. Perhaps that is why I made such great efforts later in life to become organized and motivated. I have spoken to a few of the professional kids of today and, according to them, it’s not much better. Evidently, the tutors can be rather lax, at times (I’m sure it depends on the tutor). So this brings me to the next tip.

Tip #8: If you decide to support the decision of introducing your child to the industry, you will be taking on a huge responsibility. Your parenting is more important now than ever before. You will be the constant reminder of what is truly important in life – education, character, conscience, and family. It is a thankless job. I thought my mother was overreacting to everything and needlessly strict, at the time. As a pre-teen, I was less than happy about it. In retrospect, she probably saved my life. A large percentage of the kids who were in the shows that I did ended up dead, in rehab, or battling eating disorders. It was always the kids who had protective parents with perspective who excelled. As an example, Sarah Jessica Parker was in that show with me. Our mom’s sat together in the corner. Her mother kind of knew her way around the business. She was lovely and very kind to us. Sarah was the nicest child and clearly a result of a loving family, with true perspective, and look at her now. Although I no longer know her, she has a reputation in the industry of being not only talented, but gracious as well, and she has worked for 30 years straight. Enough said.

This brings us to the end of my do’s and don’ts -- part one. If for some reason, you still want to do this for your child, go for it. It can be a fun and fulfilling experience. But take great care to remember that it should only be a part of who your child becomes. Let him or her explore all possibilities. It’s just my opinion, but I say be your child’s parent, not his or her manager. Your role is more important than anyone else’s. Get help if you need it. If you see your child heading down the wrong path, put on the brakes before you no longer have the power to do so. They grow up really fast and a few of my peers ended up finding a way to be emancipated. YES, emancipated. I’m not saying that was bad for all of them (some of the parents were pretty over the top), but man! A sixteen-year-old with money, roaming the streets of New York! It gives me chills.

By the time I got to high school, I had decided to take a break from the business. I tried to have a normal school life -- WAY too late for that. It wasn’t pretty. So I began performing again the second I hit eighteen. Over the next decade or so, I did Broadway, television, film and radio. I was very lucky. I was also fortunate enough to find other interests, take different paths, and learn from every mistake I made…which adds up to a great deal of learning! I still perform on occasion and truly enjoy it, but my real joy comes from my family, and my writing. I am very fortunate.

Part two of these do’s and don’ts will follow at some point, as I think of them. Until then, may you and yours have the same good fortune.